Hello Mama, I miss you so much. I hope you’re now free from pain. I miss you terribly.

Dear Mama,

It had been a while since I wrote to you. Consecutive matters are keeping my hands busy.

Last Tuesday, I, together w a few of my friends went to visit you. I’ve been wanting to go there since forever but cheerleading practices are impeding me to do so when I got that chance, I promptly embraced it. I bought white roses & placed it in your tomb. I took a short moment to talk to you & pray before leaving. I really miss you Mama. There was this one time, about two weeks ago when I just abruptly broke into tears after Religion period at school. My teacher was discussing about giving importance to your parents while you still have them. He even made me as his example. I guess it all just came bursting out & I cried hysterically after that. I never thought that point will come some time or another. I always forget all the glum when I’m in school. Friends surrounding me replace all those w glee but that time, everything just went bleak.

Today, Lola, Tita & went to the bank to transfer everything under my name. It pains me. It really does…being slapped by the realization yet again that you’re gone.

Dear Mama,

I’m sorry for not being able to write for quite a long time. I was just pre-occupied with stuffs and the recent semestral break had been brief and I just sink into the oblivion of resting.

On your 40 days last October 31, Tita Josie whipped up a looooot of Maja Blancas. The entire kitchen was teeming! Lola also cooked sopas and of course, the whole family came by. Before the night bit the sky, we went to attend a mass where we intentionally included your name at the Prayers of the Faithful for the blessing of your soul. It just then that it occurred to me that that was actually the first time I’ve been there since you passed. I was wallowed by the melancholy, yet again, remembering the times we used to sit next to each other, the times we held hands in singing Our Father and the times when we used to kiss each other as we give tongue to “Peace be with you”. There isn’t just any number to say how much I miss you.

On November 1, we went to the cemetery to visit your tomb early in the morning (yup, amidst the scorching sun!) Lola bought a looooot of flowers and candles and we brought a long a couple of your framed photos. T’was arduous swallowing the fact that I have to visit my own mother. I stood hurt and battling against mourn but I must keep my courageous persona robust. Ninang Sally with her husband and three kids also came by to visit you but unfortunately, we weren’t able to caught up with them.

Earlier, Lola & I went to the groceries. You know Mama, there are certain smells that remind me of you. Either it’s the scent of your perfume up to the most bizarre smells I encountered during my stay in Jeddah, it all sums up to your memory. My nose was lingered by a whiff of smell that resembles like that of your kitchen in 10 Alpha. It was like being shot by a bolt of abrupt withering. I wanted to collapse right there and there ‘cuz missing you just came to the point of utmost.

I guess I just really miss you so much.

Scratch that. I don’t guess it. I know it.

I love you Mama.

Your Anakin,
Kristelle

I love you and I miss you.

Dear Mama,

Exams finally ended yesterday. I had a hard time with our Chemistry and Geometry exams but I did the best that I can. I hope you’ll help to overcome all of these. I’m unsure if I was still able to keep my honors. I’m sorry Mama. Things are just rather perplexing.

Tomorrow, will be praying for your soul in lieu of your 40 days. I can’t believe how time went by so fast just like that. It’s only as if I was hugging you and smelling your scent yesterday. I always miss you so much Mama.

Your Anakin,

Kristelle

Je’Tamie

I was going through my sent folder @ Yahoo! searching for this certain file I forwarded to Aikko a few months ago. I came across an e-mail that I sent you last May as a mother’s day gift. I’ve written a poem then and of course, ineluctably, I can’t help but to be saddened.

I just miss you so much you know.

Je’Taime

By: Kristelle Ann Batchelor

A simple gift,
for a loving mother I call in grief.
Who’s talks and smiles I crave for,
For she’s a thousand miles away from my door.
The beacon of light that guided me through the years,
the icon of love that always gives me tears.
For here I am screaming to convey,
How nostalgia of you often gives me dismay.

Apology is knotted with this poetry,
for all the times I vanished your glee.
Sorry for all my juvenile behaviors,
but admit it, thou sometimes yields you joy.
Sorry Mama for my seldom lack of attention,
of how you veraciously need my affection.
Sorry Mama for my cynical mindset,
I rarely thought how it makes you upset.

Thank you for sheding your love,
being apart may give me a doubt,
but in your powerful hands I’d found,
a concrete shelter as a refund.

You who resembles superwoman,
who possesses a strength like no one.
Innumerable hardships of you are a given,
but nothing can beat your duty as a mom 24/7.

These rhyming words might be but of a cliche,
But for Mama, it defines sheer je’taime.

God’s Garden Must Be Beautiful

Dearest Mama,

I dreamt of you last night. It was not that vivid but I do recall that you were about to leave for Jeddah again. I was crying as I always do but moreover because I already know that there’s not much time left for us to spend together. I woke up and I guess, I wallowed by the melancholy and pain that was incarcerated in my brimming chest all this time since your demise. I cried for a couple of minutes or so. I was slapped by the realization that you’re actually gone. That I could never see your face again nor be sheltered by your unconditional love. I miss you so much Mama, I just really do. :(((((

I tweeted my pain and one of my co-VOX staffers, Ate Ace asked me if I knew the poem “God’s Garden Must Be Beautiful”. I came across it in one of your mass cards back at the core of your wake, and it is indeed a beautiful poetry. It alleviated the agony and made me understood things even for a bit.

This is how the poem goes:

GOD’S GARDEN MUST BE BE BEAUTIFUL

God saw you getting tired,
When a cure was not to be.
So He wrapped His arms around you,
And whispered, “Come to me”.

You didn’t deserve what you went through,
So He gave you rest.
God’s garden must be beautiful,
He only picks the best.

And when I saw you sleeping,
So peaceful and free from pain,
I could not wish you back,
To suffer that again.

I still miss you though. I guess that’s one thing I can never unclench in my senses. But the thought that your pain has finally ended, makes me endure the situation even if the pain is now possessed by me.