Dearest Mama,

Yesterday, in contradiction of my initial sloth to proceed, I still attended the first day of the novena in our school. People were astonished to see me. Perhaps they weren’t expecting to see me ready and afloat after everything that happened. I myself don’t know where did I get the courage and energy to do so as well. Two weeks ago back in the hospital when you were still ill, Tita was telling me to prepare myself. She said we need to finally let the Lord have you so your agony will halt. Those words were like knives stabbing my heart and I just can’t imagine the pain I’ll be feeling when that time comes. I thought I’ll never move on. I thought I’ll forever be drowned in the sea of sorrow. I thought I’ll never stop crying and just die together with you. But I guess there comes the application of the cliche that after every sadness, comes a bolt of happiness. Moving on is inevitable. It just takes time to heal. Either it’s that or I just can’t let it sink into my system yet because for the last weeks, I’m not having time for myself alone. Later, Ate Kath Kath will go back to Manila and it’ll be just the three of us here again. Nothing new. It’s just feels empty knowing we won’t receive an overseas call at the middle of the night telling me if I ate or brushed my teeth already and gush the sweetest I love you Anakin, muah!!! before hanging up the phone.

I miss you so much Mama.

Your Anakin,

Kristelle