Dear Mama,

I’m sorry for not being able to write for quite a long time. I was just pre-occupied with stuffs and the recent semestral break had been brief and I just sink into the oblivion of resting.

On your 40 days last October 31, Tita Josie whipped up a looooot of Maja Blancas. The entire kitchen was teeming! Lola also cooked sopas and of course, the whole family came by. Before the night bit the sky, we went to attend a mass where we intentionally included your name at the Prayers of the Faithful for the blessing of your soul. It just then that it occurred to me that that was actually the first time I’ve been there since you passed. I was wallowed by the melancholy, yet again, remembering the times we used to sit next to each other, the times we held hands in singing Our Father and the times when we used to kiss each other as we give tongue to “Peace be with you”. There isn’t just any number to say how much I miss you.

On November 1, we went to the cemetery to visit your tomb early in the morning (yup, amidst the scorching sun!) Lola bought a looooot of flowers and candles and we brought a long a couple of your framed photos. T’was arduous swallowing the fact that I have to visit my own mother. I stood hurt and battling against mourn but I must keep my courageous persona robust. Ninang Sally with her husband and three kids also came by to visit you but unfortunately, we weren’t able to caught up with them.

Earlier, Lola & I went to the groceries. You know Mama, there are certain smells that remind me of you. Either it’s the scent of your perfume up to the most bizarre smells I encountered during my stay in Jeddah, it all sums up to your memory. My nose was lingered by a whiff of smell that resembles like that of your kitchen in 10 Alpha. It was like being shot by a bolt of abrupt withering. I wanted to collapse right there and there ‘cuz missing you just came to the point of utmost.

I guess I just really miss you so much.

Scratch that. I don’t guess it. I know it.

I love you Mama.

Your Anakin,
Kristelle